Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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