I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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