I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
