why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I just found puke in my bra..
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
