walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
