When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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