Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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