Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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