i need an iv and a liver transplant
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
