In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Randomize
