Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
