My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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