My boss' voice literally gives me gas
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
