I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
