I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
