Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
