I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
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