You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
