Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Randomize
