i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
