SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
