So drunk its hurt
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I understand Curling. That high.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
