If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Randomize
