Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
