YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
