guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
