I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
