Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Randomize
