He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
