im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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