there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
