I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
