When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Randomize
