If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
