the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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