so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
