Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
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