Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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