giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
and eventually we just all took our pants off
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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