What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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