What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
