All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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