my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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