i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
