shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
