Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Randomize
