I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Less talking, more tequila
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
