Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
