Your face is a jimmy john
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
