Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
