I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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