So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
do herpes really smell.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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