i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
You ate ashes out of my bong
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
