I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Randomize
