I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
