in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
