Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
