Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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