Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
You smell like a Billy Joel song
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
