Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
