I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
