not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
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I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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