its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
