it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
