Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
