My cat gives me a boner
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
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