It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
