y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
