the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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