Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
It's just like the Real World with babies
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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