if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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