Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
