Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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