Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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