Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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