I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
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