i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I just found a bag of teeth...
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
