Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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