I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
